During this episode, Jake spoke truth but was called a Snake. Brian and Clay went on a date. Penny bagged her tribemate. And lots of gratuitous violence to boost ratings. Due to mild boredom, I’ve completely made up an entire episode just to entertain myself. (I provide a recap, as well. Just in case.)
I received an email informing me, “Too bad, I will never read you again” because “If you had stuck to survivor talk in your survivor article, I might have continued to enjoy your writing.”
Thanks to this person who said she’d never again read my writing because I digress too much, I’ve decided to make up a complete episode.
For those who are here to read my usual thorough commentary, click here to scroll past all of my horrid, off-topic crap. (I must be honest. I’m not doing this just be a little snot. By far, my most talked-about, enjoyed article was when I missed the first half of the show and just made up stuff. Plus, since the show has become rather predictable, I figured I might as well make it a little more entertaining.)
My self-imposed rules are that I will create an episode based on actual chronological screen captures of the show. Any similarity to real events is purely of your imagination.
Day 28 begins innocently enough with yet another beautiful sunrise. A crab scurries across the sand. Birds sing their morning song. The fire crackles like an old man stretching after a restless sleep on a worn mattress.
Ted greets the day with his morning talk-to-the-family ritual. Jake eyes him from a distance, planning his words carefully, preparing for yet another attempt to cling onto the legs of a member of the once-thought-to-be-old-and-feeble Team Church Social.
Jake thinks to himself, “Last night we all voted for Ted. Now I have to think of a way to explain this to him so that I’m not such a schmoe-dog. And with each passing moment, I’m going to act weaker and weaker. I will play the feeble old man and continue to cry over everything hoping that maybe some of the Thai respect for the elders will cause them to look at this senile old person and respect him and not vote him off this luxurious resort disguised by the producers as an unforgiving, barren land.”
But as he stumbled closer, he overhears Ted carrying on a conversation with an invisible friend:
“Really?”
“After you fought the dragon and lost your hair in the flames, did you still have all your strength?”
“That long? Wow… I’ve been here just 28 days. I can’t imagine living like that for all those years.”
“Whoa. That is some powerful fearful stuff. But, before you explain to me your plan to break the spell and return once again to raping and pillaging and dragon-fighting and love-song-singing, I have a question about something. How do fishes sleep?
I mean, well it’s not like they can go lie down at the bottom of the ocean because in many places the water’s so deep they couldn’t handle the pressure. But if they stop swimming, would they just float to the top like dead fish?”
“Are you serious?”
“So, the reason fish get caught is because they’re asleep? And by the time they’re dragged up into the boat, they’re scrambling like, ‘What the hell? Where am I?!’”
“HA HA HA!! You are too funny for a love-song-singing raping and pillaging dragon-fighting knight in shining armor turned into a sea creature.”
“Oh…”
“Wow… Seriously? You definitely need a woman, then. Could you eat Jan?”
“Oh, I see. Now isn’t this ironic. You have to eat the one person that’s driving us crazy with her incessant recipe-spewing. Maybe we could ask her how she would prepare herself…”
In shock, Jake stumbles and surprises Ted. Ted gasps, “How much did you hear?”